Dabbling in works of the imagination can be tricky. Deciding to roll them out for public scrutiny and consumption is even trickier because the moment you do, you have introduced random integers into what should be a simple equation.
(While at least two of my friends are conversant with the intricacies of Higher Math, I am not. To paraphrase Lenny Bruce, I don’t know how much a whole bunch of nines are, but my friends do. As such, I trust they will correct me if what follows doesn’t “add up.”)
It’s over-simplified, but here’s the formula for producing a literary work: I + D = B.
You have an idea (I), you distill it into its purest form (D), et voila! You have a book (B).
Easy, right? Except I said it was “over-simplified.” To wit:
To render something to its purest form (D) is not the same as making it understandable. So, you have to convert your (D) into common speech (CS) so that it may be more easily understood: I + D/CS = B.
Still pretty simple, except your idea of “common speech” may not be as common as you think. The reason I say this is because of a commercial I heard on the radio a few years ago. It was for an antiperspirant marketed toward sports fans and featured a testimonial from A Satisfied Customer. When asked why he preferred the product in question when he had so many others to choose from, Mister Satisfied Customer replied, “I like it because it blocks the, uh, well, I guess perspiration is the fancy word for it (emphasis added).” So, depending on your predilection for fancy words, you may have to dumb things down a bit (dd). So, now we have this:
I + D/CS + dd = B. Still pretty simple, but we’re not finished.
Maybe your idea is something other than a warm and fuzzy/group hug treatise on how gosh darn wonderful everything is that offers nothing in the way of intellectual (or psychological or spiritual) challenges. If that’s the case, then you have to allow for emotion-fueled pushback or turbulence (t). This, too: attempts at humor above lowest common denominator level (lcd) – e.g. irony, sarcasm, puns, satire, litotes – may work against you. Because these can affect your choice of words or how you phrase certain things, we now have:
I + D/CS + dd - (t) ± (lcd) = B.
At this point, you may be wondering if writing a book was such a good idea to begin with (?). This not unusual, but factors in all the same, which gives us:
I + D/CS + dd - (t) ± (lcd) + (?) = B.
Okay. Just about done. The last item on the list – and this is the big one if you are dealing with works of the imagination (which includes every form of fiction) - is how open the reader is to ideas that may not align with their preconceived notions of the universe (you might be surprised how many people insist on limiting the imagination, their own and that of others). This is what’s known as “the Philistine Factor” (pf), and is the final integer in the equation:
I + D/CS + dd - (t) ± (lcd) × (?) ÷ (pf) = B.
To quote Kevin Spacey in K-PAX, “I think that’s right.”
And that, my friends, is what it takes to write a book. How do I know this? I’ve written a few, and they’re available worldwide from Amazon. Just make sure you get the right Bill Parker (there’s at least one more on there). Here’s a title to get you in the ballpark:
The Third Day: Jesus and Judas in the 21st Century
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